5 Things You Can Do to Support Other Moms When You’re Drowning Too

Let’s be honest: if you’ve been parenting for more than 5 minutes in the year 2022, you’re likely overwhelmed. You might even feel like you’re drowning. Parenting in this decade is just not for the faint of heart. My parents allowed me to freely roam the neighborhood (and I use that term loosely) when I was in the second grade – I just installed an app on my daughter’s phone that connects her to a lawyer if she’s ever pulled over by a police officer. Nothing feels safe or sacred.

When you’re in the thick of it – the trenches of motherhood – can be difficult to see other mamas that need support, too. Not because you’re selfish, but because those little people in your life require so much of your time and energy, and at the end of the day, you’re just so exhausted. If this resonates with you, please know that I am right there with you. I often collapse into bed at 8:30 pm (but with a Benadryl so I don’t wake up with anxiety two hours later), and haven’t offered any meaningful support to beloved friends, other moms, etc.

But you know what? We need each other. So, so desperately. A friend of mine brought me a grande cold brew coffee at school the other day when visiting her own child, and y’all - I legitimately cried. Tears filled my eyes and I will tell you what, Starbucks cold brew never tasted so good. It was exactly the boost of energy I needed, and I was still raving to my husband about it when I saw him hours later. Beyond the obvious need for caffeine in my life, she made me feel so seen and valued. With a $5 coffee. It doesn’t take much to make a difference in someone’s day, mama. And the domino effect? Pretty powerful. That one coffee that got me through the day also gave me more patience with my kids that evening. And gave me a joyful story to connect with my husband over later. It matters.

If you, too, are wanting to support other mamas in your life, but feel like you’re drowning yourself, here are 5 easy ways to support other moms!

1. Drop off a meal/coffee/bottle of wine – even if she’s not sick and didn’t just have a baby. Who doesn’t love NOT having to worry about dinner? If you’re not sure of their plans, drop off a meal that can be refrigerated or frozen until cooking time! And coffee or wine are good ANY time. Don’t ask, just do. If you don’t know your friend’s Starbucks order, text her from the drive thru saying, “I’m bringing you coffee – what do you want?” Just doing offers so much more relief (and so much less mom guilt) than asking, “What can I do for you?”
2. Send a gift card with a short message! Don’t know what they like to eat? Send a gift card (either in the mail or an e-card)! DoorDash, Starbucks, any local retailer you love...when you think of it, send it! E-gift cards often leave 300 or so characters for a message. “I see you...I’m thinking of you” goes a long way.
3. When you think of her, reach out. This can be a quick text message to say “I’m thinking of you” or a phone call when you have alone time in the car. Even if you don’t reach her, you made her feel seen today. If she doesn’t reply immediately, don’t take it personally or assume that she doesn’t care. She’s drowning too. Just keep trying to stay in touch – it's worth it.
4. Offer to take her kids for an hour – or the whole afternoon! This works especially well if you have kids of a similar age, but even if you don’t - her kids will love the attention. And even better? Your friend will get 4 times as much done as she would when her kids were at home and start to feel like she’s digging her way out of the pit. OR she will just take a nap and STILL feel better.
5. Finally, just go over and sit with her. I mean, call first – you don’t want to show up unannounced – but sitting and talking is a godsend for a mama who hasn’t had an adult conversation recently. I have a friend that used to “help me pack” whenever I went anywhere. She never helped me pack – she just sat on my bed and talked to me. Just sit with her in the struggle and let her know that she’s not alone. You can’t fix whatever is going on or going wrong, but you can offer your support and the knowledge that she is not alone.

I know you’ve got a lot on your plate already, mama, but several of these things you can do while you are already out and with minimal effort! We need each other.