What will normal look like after the baby is born?

There is one thing I can promise you - life after baby will be different than your life before baby. In so many ways, it is amazing. A new baby means a new normal for your body, partner relationship, your thought process, and your routines.

Adjusting to life after baby feels like it should be easy, this little being is something you wanted so bad. Some adjustments will be easy and welcomed. Other changes are harder. You may grieve or long for your life or body before the baby. This is ok. It is normal, even if a lot of people don’t talk about it. We see the happy and joyous times from others on social media. But I guarantee their life, especially with a new baby, is not all joy. 

Your body

The physical changes are obvious during pregnancy and after. They are not always fun changes and they do not always go away. Your post-baby body is a badge of honor for all the WORK you did to grow a child for 9 months. It is beautiful, no matter what it looks like. 

As for the emotional portion of your body, it is probably going to be all over the place. It is normal. At times, during the newborn days, I thought to myself - “I literally feel crazy today”. The emotional toll of caring for another human life, not enough sleep, and postpartum hormones is A LOT. 

Here is the takeaway about your postpartum body. Try really hard to give yourself grace (for your physical and emotional body) and allow yourself to FEEL that you are a good mama, even if you’re unsure or anxious about your decisions.

Significant other relationship

My postpartum partner relationship surprised me. I have a wonderful and deep relationship with my significant other. I assumed adding a child to our lives would be an easy transition for us. It was much harder than I thought. 

We both had a lot of postpartum emotions (postpartum depression is real in men), we didn’t communicate effectively about our roles, and we grieved the time we used to have together.

I strongly suggest before your baby arrives to spend time talking about what things each of you are comfortable owning and doing. Even things that don’t have to do with the baby like dishes and laundry. Having some clear thoughts on household and baby care can help you communicate better during the harder times of newborn life. 

Try really hard to set aside a little time every week, even just 30 minutes, to check in. Find ways to help each other, not fight each other. I understand that can be easier said than done. But the more open the communication, the better. It honestly took until my child was nearly 2 years old to get into the rhythm and the flow of communication to transition to our new normal. It won’t happen overnight, but you can get there. 

Photo Credit: @briannebellphotography

Finding the YOU 

Being a mom is a 24/7 job. It just seems to happen whether you thought you’d be that person or not. It is the best job but all jobs come with some downfalls. One of the hardest is letting go to feel a little bit of the you that you once were. 

It is possible, it may take you some time. My best tip, if you don’t already have a hobby (or a few) try to get into something before the baby comes. It can be as small as adult coloring books or a more “organized” hobby. Having this hobby helps to connect you to your past. It also helps give you purpose beyond motherhood. 

My other tip is to intentionally reach out to friends or family. Even if you’re not quite ready to go out with a friend or family member, schedule a time to talk. It is so helpful to stay connected to your ‘old world’ and have that feeling of normal after baby.  

Having people help

It is the one thing I wish I would have done better. Asked for help. From my significant other, from friends, from family. I didn’t have to do it all, but I tried. It was exhausting and emotionally draining. 

People will constantly say “let me know how I can help”. In reality, they should just ask “can I do ____ or may I bring you ____?” If they are not direct, you can be. Each day, try to be intentional about asking for one thing. It will become more of a habit and help you feel less overwhelmed with all the other things beyond baby.  

Normal after baby will look different for everyone. The path to getting in the groove with your new life normal will take time. Having grace for yourself and your significant other during this change will ease the transition.